This was taken from my old journal - August 2009. Just decided to put this here, as I was kind of moved when I read it.



Looking back now, there were actually a lot of ups and downs during the month of August.

As we prepared for our prelims, it hit me, yet again, that how time actually flies. After two more months (which was then), we would be sitting for our O Levels. I guess, without me actually saying it out, you will definitely know how it feels like. To tell the truth, I was not prepared for my prelims. There was actually quite a lot of last minute work. I studied until about 12.30 am everyday, and I woke up at around 5.00 am to go to school earlier. This method of studying was soon proved to be ineffective. I couldn’t think well during the examinations, especially during Additional Mathematics exam. My result slip, which would soon be given to us, will certainly be the best evidence.

Yup, I cried at my bad results, and smiled at my good ones (which was few). My mood was pretty bad for that week when we took back our results. After clearing my emotions, I sat down in front of my table, reflected on myself, and drew out a plan. It included all the work which I had to do for each subject each week, until the end of O Levels. I know very well that I must not repeat the same mistake. No more last minute work, no more burning mid-night oil, and no more slacking. It is really time for real serious work. I could not afford to fail this time; therefore I must work much, much harder, and plan my time well.

When I told my mother my terrible results (only the grades), she did not scold me, and she did not ask for the exact marks I got. Furthermore, when I said she would probably be very upset when she sees my result slip, she told me that she preferred not to see it. At first, I felt my heart breaking into pieces as I thought it was because she had lost her confidence in me and that she just doesn’t want to be upset by those bad results. However, she told me that it was because she doesn’t want to make me feel even worse. She even said it was okay for me not entering TJC, other JCs will be fine, too. I knew she’s doing all this because she loves me, and she doesn’t want to pressurize me, but I know exactly what I want. I want to go TJC, because that’s the second nearest JC from my house. I want to go to TJC, because I love that school. I want to go to TJC, because I want to be as good as my sister. I want to score less than 10 points for my O Levels. I know that’s all I ever wanted. I know I can’t afford to break my promise to myself.

I know I can do it. Yes I can do it. That’s what I believe. With hard work, time management, and confidence in myself, I know I can definitely succeed in the end.

About 80 more days from now, I want to look back at this moment and smile to myself and say: “Yes, I did it. It is all worth it.”

Liou Jing, 03 09 09

WOW. It just feels SO good to read this now. I can't believe I've come this far. :)
Yeah, now I am proudly smiling to myself and saying: "Yes, it's all worth it." :D

Gonna work even harder next year! Jia you Liou Jing!! xD

another sweetest escape
10:19 PM